I'm infamous for saying the wrong thing to my wife. When we first started dating, I looked deep into her eyes and said, "You're the best looking woman I've ever seen in person."  Shari let the comment go by, but I could tell she was thinking about it by the look on her face. When the relationship progressed to the bedroom I did it again. After a particularly energetic roll in the hey, I mumbled (what I thought was inaudible) "You should get paid for that." To where Shari said a real quick "What?" One of my gifts is being able to think on my feet quickly. So I put my ad lib skills to work. "I didn't say anything." She really must like me because she let that one slide too. When I decided she was the girl for me I bought the ring. I kept it in my pocket until the RIGHT moment. I knew the love would overwhelm me, and the heavens would part and that it would be the most beautiful moment ever. So there we were, in my Nissan Pulsar next to a dumpster in her apartment complex. "This is really hard for me to say, but you're the only woman I've ever wanted to hang out with during the day." I explained with my eyes beginning  to well. Guys know that this is a huge compliment, but I guess you chicks don't. But I forged ahead, took a deep breath and popped the question. "Will you marry me?" I didn't elaborate. "Yes!" she said with a deep sigh. I know it wasn't the best proposal in the world. But it was 100% honest. I also know Shari wasn't blown away. To my knowledge, she has never retold that magical moment to any of her friends.

I keep putting my foot in my mouth. Here it is fifteen years later and the innocent insults keep on coming. We were recently at Target getting Shari's birth control. $332.00! In all the years I don't recall ever picking up her birth control with her, so I was blown away by the cost. Because I'm so thoughtful, I waited to comment on the price until we reached the door. "332 bucks? Is that normal?" "Yes." she said with a tone that said I'm a total dumbshit. "I guess I better get my moneys worth and cum inside you more." I said to challenge her dumbshit tone. She didn't say anything about my comment, but I think I caught her smiling a little. "I know how we can save some money." I continued. "Instead of the expensive birth control pills, why don't I just go back in there and get some shop towels for 99 cents?"

The faint smile must have been in my imagination. Because she didn't say anything else on the way home.